#1 :ghosting

I’m baaaaaaaack.

I will assume that you didn’t notice I was gone.

Regardless, I am back.

Since COVID happened, a lot has changed.

I have changed.

Grown.

Perhaps even evolved. Let’s go with evolved.

I was online a great deal prior to a few years ago. As I proudly tell anyone who will listen, early in my career, I helped DEFINE and develop the Internet. My technical nerdy-ness combined with my natural Irish temper wit looks charm provided me with a very interesting career. I used to be the one that the adults went to for questions about how to do things. “What does it mean to Google?”

I proudly took up residence on the “bleeding edge of technology.”

And one day, I realized that I was falling behind. I didn’t know what was bleeding edge or what was technically mind-blowing. I hadn’t noticed new social media channels pop-up. The worst part….

I just did not care.

depression + apathy + lockdown + turning an extrovert into an introvert against her will + becoming disillusioned with technology + spending more time in nature + craving REAL human connection = completely ghosting.

I abandoned the path I was on.

I quit.

I turned off the internet, stopped posting or reading social media posts.

I retired my business.

I got a stable job. A relatively stress-free don’t take it home with you or define your self worth by it kind of job.

I didn’t make an announcement about these life changes. I left the proper Irish way….slipping slowly backwards off the internet as silently as possible, avoiding any kind of confrontation or explanation. Poof.

I’m not proud of myself. I know that it is dick-ish behavior.

Let me lay out my defense: COVID lockdown changed me. It changed what I believed about life. It changed what I cared about. It changed how I wanted to spend my time, my energy. Like many people, I had the opportunity to look at my life from a different perspective and I realized what I wanted.

I want real conversation.

I want connection, inspiration, discourse.

I want to meet fascinating people and ask too many questions.

I want long walks in the woods, sunrises and the smell of the grass when it rains.

I want to be myself - messy and awkward and imperfect.

I want adventure. Real-life in-person experiencing-it-in-an-analog-world kind of adventure.

So, here I am, once again, carving out my little tiny space online to hold my words, as messy, awkward and imperfect as they are.

It will be minimalistic. It will be simple. And I am doing it because it makes me happy to get words out of my head and heart and onto a page.

Thank you for not giving up on me. It feels so good to write and dream again.