#5 :fcking breast cancer
“Hey Katie, how are you?”
Normally, the answer to that simple question is “awesome” or “living the dream” or something equally evasive and surface level.
I haven’t figured out how to say, “actually, I am kinda shitty.”
See, I don’t want to bother or burden you with my life challenges.
And I really, really don’t want to make you feel awkward or uncomfortable.
But, I’m not awesome.
I have breast cancer.
(hear the record screech, the people stop talking, the slight gasp of a sharp inhale)
On January 14th, I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma.
The crazy story as of right now:
I promised my friend Laura to get my screening mammogram. I was 5 years behind schedule due to COVID and general busyness. I made the appointment right before Christmas and was quite pleased with myself that I kept my promise to Laura.
Ugh-oh, they found something on the screening mammogram. I got called back for more mammograms ultrasounds and tests. I was still so sure it wasn’t anything to be concerned about. The result of these tests meant I won myself a core needle biopsy.
I had my sweet little peach of a right breast biopsied. The radiologist and the tech were so kind, reassuring me that no matter what they found, it was very early. I had a gut feeling that they knew that it wasn’t looking good…
I was given my diagnosis via phone call while flat on my back with the worst virus/cold I have ever had. After being given the news, I was told to “have a great day.” That is such a polite saying. It was not a great day.
After a week of sleepless nights, I met with my surgical oncologist. Her name is Ashley. She’s fierce and confident and I’ll write more about her later. She is scheduling me for a partial mastectomy and sentinel lymph node removal and biopsy sometime in the upcoming weeks. This is just our starting plan. It will undoubtedly change as more information comes in.
There is a good chance that I could have a partial mastectomy, radiation, and hormone therapy without a whole lot of ugly chemotherapy. Lots of other factors have to be determined first, like my genetics and whether or not the cancer has spread to my lymph system or not. As of now, we are hoping to keep this whole treatment plan as simple and vomit-free as possible.
While I wait for surgery, I will have genetic counseling to look for anywhere I may have a gene mutation. This will help us decide whether or not I will need a double mastectomy and/or chemotherapy. Just a fun little walk down the family cancer tree.
While I wait for all of this, I am cleaning up my day-to-day diet preparing my body for surgery and taking back my attention. Reading, exercising, creating art, doing yoga….being me.
This year, 316,949 beautiful humans will be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer. (1)
On the upside, I was told it’s the “good cancer” as well as the “best breast cancer.” You know, only the best for me.
I am not the first person going through this, and I won’t be the last.
I am one of the ‘one in eight women’ who will receive this diagnosis in her lifetime.
I know that breast cancer isn’t going to kill me. It’s not my first rodeo. Having this disease is going to be something I deal with on a physical, mental, and emotional level, as awkwardly as I deal with anything everything else in life.
It will be messy.
It will be sad.
It will be hilarious.
It will be infuriatingly frustrating and inconvenient. It will be humbling and beautiful, with silver linings I can’t yet comprehend.
I plan to share this messy and awkward journey through essays posted to this blog. I intend to be honest, real, and brave enough to share my personal experience without judging or comparing anyone else’s experience. I have already learned that every single breast cancer is unique to each person.
If you’re interested in following me as I hopscotch this crazy path, give me your email and I’ll send my essays directly to your inbox.
Thank you for reading this, for supporting me, and for being YOU.
(1) https://www.cancer.org/cancer/types/breast-cancer/about/how-common-is-breast-cancer.html
